look no pants
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
