she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
