I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
After last night, I could never be a politician.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Randomize
