genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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