Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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