I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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