There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
