end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
