where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
