I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Randomize
