ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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