Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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