My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
