When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
