I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
