is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize
