Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
