thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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