so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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