I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
