If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
smell my finger.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Randomize
