Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
