I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
