I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize