I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Ladies don't puke and tell
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
