i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
