how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
