I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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