I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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