and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Randomize
