i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
