Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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