I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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