My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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