Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
