Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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