i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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