just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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