dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
