told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Randomize
