I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
