my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
