i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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