we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
