u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
