Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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