I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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