do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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