something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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