PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
