i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
