Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
